


Interim Auditorial Report

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another day at the office, more or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interim Auditorial Report

Their first mistake was kidnapping an Imperial Auditor in a panicked attempt to cover up their original, far less important, crime. Ordinarily this would be such a terminal error that any further actions wouldn’t merit comment.

But these debacle specialists managed to surpass themselves.

Their second error was to administer Fast-Penta to an Imperial Auditor. But, realistically, you can only be executed once, so further crimes after the first one are free, really. Well, free from any extra official penalties.

Their third error – and this is where they passed from official treason into a realm they’d never suspected existed – was the apparently simple mistake of not administering a patch test before the Fast-Penta. Sometimes ‘simple’ can also mean ‘stupid’, ‘breathtakingly idiotic’ and ‘unexpectedly cataclysmic’.

Moving briskly beyond any chance of escape, or rescue; after they administered the Fast-Penta without checking susceptibility or adverse reactions, to a kidnapped Auditor, they laughed and joked about their captive and his total lack of any apparent defensive qualities. Even then they could have escaped with a simple execution. But one of those jokes made the mistake of comparing the Auditor with his illustrious father and grandfather, concentrating on his obvious failure to reach their high, Vorish, military standards.

Some Fast-Penta subjects have highly idiosyncratic responses to the drug. One of those responses is extreme suggestibility. When you combine that with a ‘normal’ baseline of hyperactivity, and then multiply the hyperactivity with the drug response, the results can be spectacular. 

A stray mention during a previous Fast-Penta episode had led to a performance of an entire Shakespeare play. This time the reluctant audience received a first-hand history lesson, as various episodes from family (and Imperial) events were re-enacted. 

Defending The Empire From The Cetagandans was educational, if only briefly. Dendarii Mountains Guerilla Techniques was a short, informative session. This Is How We Fought On the General Vorkraft added a few dirty fighting moves that should be banned by any civilised force. And probably are. There was really no need for the Daring Rescues demonstration, since by then the only one left to rescue was the Auditor, and he’d pretty much rescued himself.

Apart from the Auditor there were several other survivors. They were in varying degrees of consciousness, blood loss, and number of limbs. 

Due to security concerns related to the original case the trials and sentences of the survivors were not made public. And the Auditor involved totally accepts that, even if it would be personally satisfying to let people know what happens when you kidnap an Auditor, especially that one. (And that’s not whining, Gregor, it’s just expressing an opinion.)

 

This is the brief outline of events, full Auditorial report to follow. 

Signed: Lord Auditor Miles Vorkosigan. Who gets seriously pissed-off when kidnapped.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Chair](https://archiveofourown.org/works/633812) by [RogerStenning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogerStenning/pseuds/RogerStenning)




End file.
